PART 1: HI THERE, PROMISE KEEPER

Oh. Oh, no. Hear what I just did? In case you missed it, that was harmless flirting, but for a 20 something Christian boy (20scb), the message “I wanna have your babies” was sent loud and clear. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Right now, I want to have your babies about as much as I want to continue listening to Steve Green on the way home from this dinner.

While I’m not a 20scb, I believe I speak with some authority having dated my fair share of them, giving me a front row seat to see a version of the same story play out…well, a lot. In my daydream I see myself sitting around, library style, with the masses at my feet listening to my stories. Instead of picture books, I have my stash of props representing my cast of characters which I would appropriately tote along with me in a tool shed as I moved from gig to gig. I can laugh about it all (exhibits A-ZZ) and by God’s grace I finally see a clear pattern of “dating” among 20scboys.

When I first started this post I thought I would pick on cliché behaviors we love to laugh at… the fashion fau paux of the WWJD bracelet, toting the man purse bible cover or asking me to change into something more modest (how about that turtleneck your Grandma gave you for Christmas)? However, my experience hasn‘t been with nerds. It’s been with Christian college graduates. All who genuinely love Jesus yet have little more in common except that each would nearly break out in hives upon hearing the word “dating.”

I don’t know if the curriculum is part of freshman orientation or an oath in a hall meeting, but it’s a mental castration of sorts. I believe that it goes down like this. Some resident assistant says: Repeat after me: Girls who wear makeup are high maintenance and materialistic. Then, the following 3 options are presented, one is chosen, embraced and committed to for life.

The Shot Gun Option: Upgrade that purity ring and marry her ASAP. Buddy, that girl is totally cute and ready for a lifetime of your lovin. Let’s do this thing.

The Tip-Toe Option: If you call it “dating” recognize that she thinks you’re actually engaged. Be her casual friend. And then IM her. Text her. Call her. A lot. Spend exclusive time with her. Then be her best friend. Pay to take her out to eat and to the movies and concerts and sporting events. Just you and her. Take your time. Years if you would like. But remember, any use of the d word means you‘re going ring shopping…tomorrow.

The Life of Paul Option: Boys night! Every night. Until forever.

The shot gunner is unfamiliar territory for me personally but 90% of my closest friends were that totally cute girl and they are having fabulous marriages. Just not for me. And Paul? How about you go bowling with the boys….or maybe just kill yourself (that was a funny reference to Jim Gaffigan for those of you thinks I’m honestly suggesting death). To my tip-toers out there, I know who you are and these 2 upcoming posts are for you.

With a face full of makeup I say: May all who come behind us find us faithful (or insert favorite Steve Green lyric here).

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