LOVE NOTES AND HOT GARBAGE

(Special Note: Despite my previous post on being easy on people, on a scale of 1 to 10 when my feelings get hurt, my sarcasm cranks up to a 13 so read with caution. I’d like to think that this is really just meant to be funny, but one never can tell. I wish all of these folks my best).

I keep up with my brother and sister on Facebook. While that statement is somewhat tragic, it also lends a public platform for our playful humiliation of each other. For example, I just read that “Gretchen Chapman is concocting a love letter for my brother.”

Wh…wha…WHAT?!

First, why don’t I know anything about this letter?! I’m guessing that it’s for the same girl he has been drooling over every Tuesday for the past semester. I know this because every Tuesday I receive text messages like “She is wearing blue today” or “I can’t feel my legs” or “I’m the man! We talked!” [Good job. What did you say?!] “Hey.”

Second, I’m the writer in the family. Why in the world didn’t he ask me to draft a love letter?! Wait. Don’t answer that. I acknowledge that my love letters (strangely) haven’t worked out real well for me in the past and since my sister is married, maybe he thought she could show her skills and craft a few poetic sentences about why this girl should dump her boyfriend and have lunch with him instead.

I started thinking about what I might write on his behalf had he chosen me and honestly, it was hot garbage. Maybe they all have been! But come to think of it, it’s a really good thing they are not my forte. If any of my love-ish emails had been met with the response I desired and if the Lord had answered every prayer I’ve prayed for love and life of happiness I would’ve been married like 7 times by now. In my immaturity I’ve gotten pretty Pentecostal all up in my little prayer closet claiming too many last names with a whole lotta confidence in the throne room. Praise the Lord He knows better than me, knows what I really need. Facebook makes it easy to find out that if I had received a “yes” to my love prayers over the past 10 years I would currently be married…

To a stay at home dad who has a thing for Latino women. The one Latino woman that lives in Buffalo = I’m as unexotic as cotton candy and baseball. Plus, I was never meant to work 😉 #needabreadwinner

To a cheesy fat bald man living in the middle of Ohio with 3 kids = I never remember wanting to be Mrs. Joe-the-Plumber. #shotgun

To a humorless, intellectual plastic surgeon = I’m pretty ok with what God gave me, thank you. And quoting Leaves of Grass is not sexy. It makes you a nerd. And you drive a mom car. Seriously, I felt like you should offer me a juice box and a Lunchable every time I got in. #kingofthetiptoers

To a self-absorbed womanizing politico = Best of luck with your marriage to an heiress. Seems real genuine. #kathygeiss

To a guy whose every interest perfectly matches mine, yet somehow STILL made me fall asleep just by saying “hey” = I barely remember the very last name I was so determined to take. #Paul

To a super hot yet emotionally unavailable stubborn train wreck = Praise the Lord his hotness did not blind me…well, ya know, at least not for much longer than a bunch of fabulous make outs. #pylonpaint #tiptoe   

I was certain, from my limited perspective, I was praying wisely. But thankfully we serve a God who loves us enough to say “NO” to so many of our fervent prayers! If I can apply this to all of the other prayers I’ve prayed that have gotten a definitive “no” – prayers for jobs, moving to new cities, meeting new friends, for adventure – than what a world of hurt I’ve been spared. I can only imagine God listening to me get all worked up: “Megan, you don’t even know what you are asking for.” He’s right.  At no point did I pray to live in Ohio, let alone to a fat bald man! 

Don’t get me wrong – some of those on the list really hurt me and produced a lot of tears and in my type-a nature, I schemed to force a yes out of God. In 1 Samuel 13, God had made Saul a promise – but rather than waiting on God’s timing, Saul tried to help God out and in doing so winds up missing the blessing for his entire family (Samuel actually calls him stupid)!  I’d rather have temporary hurt feelings than a lifetime of hurt that always results from us giving God a helping hand. “If I’m expecting God’s best, than I have to do it God’s way” and sometimes Gods way is only achieved through accepting the gift of “no.”

Though she might be God’s “no” here’s to the girl who is not going out with our hilarious stud of a little brother: Girlfriend, you better watch yourself because we love our little Garbo-man and if you hurt his feelings or even look at him the wrong way you will receive a verbal lashing so thorough you will wish I would’ve just gotten physical. (I’m just joking…but my sister is not).

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